


Gun

by akaya



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, requested ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-04
Updated: 2011-10-04
Packaged: 2017-10-24 07:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akaya/pseuds/akaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short ficlet written for a request: <i>John, holding his gun, sitting on his bed, prior to meeting Sherlock.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Gun

_It would be far too easy to kill himself like that_ , thinks John as he sits on his bed, in the pathetic, little room that he’d been renting for a month now. It’s almost time for the evening tea, but he forgot to buy milk when he went out earlier, and tea without milk was like, like -

 _Like a soldier without a cause_ , he thinks bitterly and eyes his service pistol again. It is cold and solid in his palm, quite heavy too, but he welcomes the feeling of it. He is almost certainly positive that if he brought it to his temple at this very moment, his hand wouldn’t shook.

It might be a good way to deal with the feeling of emptiness, that has spread from his mind to his limbs like the worst kind of cancer, and stayed there as a constant reminder that he didn’t quite fit with the world as a whole anymore.

His shoulder is aching again, but not enough for it to be an actual pain. Just a dull reminder of an old wound, a parting gift from Afghanistan to John, so he’d remember.

As if he could forget. With the constant nightmares of fellow soldiers, flying bullets and the chaos, chaos, oh so much chaos. _You need to write it down_ , his therapist keeps repeating him. _You have to write down the pain so you can forget._

“I don’t want to forget,” he mutters to the empty room, gripping the handle of his gun tightly, and takes a deep calming breath. He is acting irrational again, of course. His therapist is right. He needs to forget, and stop living in the past.

He needs to be normal again.

He puts the gun away.

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. Kudos, comments & critics always appreciated.


End file.
